idahophilly Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 This is just for fun to inject some humor into all the doom and gloom of the lockout...The Day in the Life of a Crosby6:57 AM – Roll over and slap alarm clock. Shake off the lingering thoughts of the nightmare. The therapist says the visions of the 2012 playoffs will heal in time…7:02 AM - Sit up and climb out of bed. Grab baby powder and sprinkle on puddle in bed. Make note to get more pull ups.7:07 AM – Make way to bathroom. Punch picture of Giroux in hallway.7:09 AM – Take tinkle. Opps, back up from toilet for proper trajectory.8:14 AM – Tinkle done. Go to shower. Get pump. Shower and shave face. Shave legs.9:01 AM – Brush teeth, pluck eyebrows, moisturize lips.9:28 AM – Call Mario for daily schedule. 9:28 & 25 seconds – Eat Fruit Loops. Laugh as you think of Malkin and Fruit Loops.10:01 AM – Go to garage. Punch picture of Giroux on garage door on the way.10:06 AM – Practice wrist shots into dryer. Notice clothes in dryer. 11:14 AM – Time to get dressed. Carry clothes to bedroom.11:17 AM – Decide on G-String or tighty whitties. Try them both on.12:10 PM – Decide against G-string to avoid another locker room incident.12:44 PM – Time to leave for early game against Flyers. Punch picture of Giroux in hallway.1:25 PM – Stop by Kinko’s, order new copy of Giroux picture for dryer.1:50 PM - Arrive at stadium in Yellow Geo Metro.1:53 PM – Once again lost on way to locker room. GPS not working.1:55 PM – On phone with Mario.1:55 & 17 seconds – Back on course to locker room.2:04 PM – Enter boisterous locker room. Everyone becomes quiet. Get to stall. Punch picture of Giroux hanging in stall.2:09 PM – Change into playing gear. Malkin asks a question.2:11 PM – Foreign language app interprets question. Once again forced to say no to request for special shiny lip formula.2:31 PM – Step onto ice for warm ups. Crowd half there. Giroux there.2:32 PM – At center ice. Hartnell there to. Shakes shaggy hair spreading Philly sweat everywhere.2:34 PM – Oooo. Butterflies in stomach upon seeing Doc and Pierre.2:46 PM – Wishing he could punch Giroux for real.2:47 PM – To locker room. Tinkle time. Urinals are a no go. Off to a stall.2:49 PM – Fighting with cup removal. Keeps slipping out of hands and smacking nads. 2:55 PM – Tinkle done. Notice Malkin unzipping at urinal. Hear a splash in urinal. Mutters something in Russian. Language app not available. Moving along.3:10 PM – At center ice for anthems. Flash backs to 2012 playoffs.3:11 PM – Using therapy technique of imagining the crowd naked except for Pierre. Feel better.3:15 PM – Opening faceoff.3:15 & 12 seconds - Whirlwind of activity. Oh golly, must go get puck.3:15 & 12.8 seconds – Number 28 sweater in face.3:15 & 13.3 seconds – Face on ice. Cold.3:22 PM – In restraints in a prone position. Don’t understand.3:37 PM – Yabba dabba do. My name is ByCros. I fink I’m kinda maybe okeydokey.3:40 PM – Pain sets in.3:44 PM – Told pictures must be taken of my insides? Or of Giroux? Or something? Must get to Kinkos. Going in funny looking box on wheels to a big building they tell me.4:48 PM – Doctor says no concussion or injuries. Just banged up.5:34 PM – Back at arena. Game still going after 25 minute melee delayed game at the 13.3 second mark of the 1st period.5:35 PM – Malkin in locker room getting earlobe stiched back on after Hartnell biting attack.5:36 PM – Concluded that the Flyers are primitive animals. 5:37 PM – At locker stall. Punch Giroux picture. Hurt knuckles this time.5:40 PM – Rush to shower in swimming trunks and flip flops before team comes in to shower after game.5:41 PM – Malkin enters the shower. Politely ask again for him to use his own shower head. Try not to stare at "it".5:51 PM – Baby powder applied and team arriving in locker room with word of 5-1 loss.5:52 PM - Slip into undies quickly when female reporter enters. Malkin does not.6:22 PM – Sneak out after game critique. 6:25 PM – Frickin Metro won’t start.6:26 PM – On phone with Mario.6:26 & 35 Seconds PM – Ok, got right car this time. Head woozy.6:40 PM – At store for tofu, bean sprouts and pull ups.7:07 PM – Arrive home. Gently take down Giroux picture in hallway.7:08 PM - Time for daily constitutional. Place picture of Giroux in toilet. Crap into toilet.7:32 PM – Bearing down.7:40 PM - Flush toilet.7:40 & 31 seconds PM – Toilet clogged and over flowing. Giroux’s final insult of the day. Make note for Kinkos to use lighter paper weight on latest order.7:58 PM – Bathroom mopping is done. Scotch bottle opened.10:02 PM – Scotch bottle empty. Beddy by time. Pullups on…Good night all… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DinahMoeHumm Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 10:01 AM – Go to garage. Punch picture of Giroux Boris Valabik's coin purse on garage door on the way.Fixed that for ya... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idahophilly Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 Thanks! I shouldn't pick on poor Crosby so much but its such an easy thing to do! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DinahMoeHumm Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 @idahophilly: Eh, I can see how it'd be easy. It doesn't even bother me. The only time I get riled up is when people say "man, Crosby sucks" and think they really know what they're talking about. I'm mostly talking about casual fans of the game, or guys who are just knuckleheads to begin with. Call him a baby all you want, but sucks? Nah, don't think so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idahophilly Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 Well, truth be told, you rarely pick on another teams marginal players! You pick on their stars. Crosby and Malkin get the most attention because they are just that excellent. It would be like you picking on Rinaldo of the Flyers. He not really worthy of the effort. Giroux, Bryz, Hartnell...Yes. So, it's actually a backwards compliment when a fan picks on your top players... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DinahMoeHumm Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 @idahophilly: Oh, I agree entirely. And when you guys do it (at least *most* of the Flyers fans on this board) I typically just take it as humorous. Because, well, most of the time it's funny $hit, plain and simple. And even though you mock him I fully understand that you respect his talent, just as I have the utmost respect for G's talent, et al. But just as an example, there's a guy that works at the liquor store down the street from me who's a Sabres "fan*." Where I live we have quite a few of them because we're pretty much equal distance from Pitts, Buffalo and Cleveland. But this guy thinks he knows friggin everything and will make remarks to me about how Crosby is overrated, blah, blah, blah. And the d00d actually believes the drivel that he's spewing, yet doesn't even know some of the most basic fundamentals of the game. I can tell from our conversations. This is the same guy that also has remarked to me numerous times that Datsyuk is overrated. Really? I mean, really? I always say to him, well, I may not be a [insert team here] fan, but c'mon, the guy's good.Anyway, i certainly wasn't referring to you or the other knowledgeable posters on this board who just like to "take the pi$$" with other teams' star players. It's people like this moron at my local liquor store that make me shake my head. In short (well, in *long* now), I agree with you. * I know several Sabres fans who are very knowledgeable and passionate about the game. This statement in no way implies that all Sabres fans are morons. It's *this* particular guy who is the moron, and doesn't even know his team's starting roster from top to bottom. :-\ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idahophilly Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 @idahophilly: Oh, I agree entirely. And when you guys do it (at least *most* of the Flyers fans on this board) I typically just take it as humorous. Because, well, most of the time it's funny $hit, plain and simple. And even though you mock him I fully understand that you respect his talent, just as I have the utmost respect for G's talent, et al. But just as an example, there's a guy that works at the liquor store down the street from me who's a Sabres "fan*." Where I live we have quite a few of them because we're pretty much equal distance from Pitts, Buffalo and Cleveland. But this guy thinks he knows friggin everything and will make remarks to me about how Crosby is overrated, blah, blah, blah. And the d00d actually believes the drivel that he's spewing, yet doesn't even know some of the most basic fundamentals of the game. I can tell from our conversations. This is the same guy that also has remarked to me numerous times that Datsyuk is overrated. Really? I mean, really? I always say to him, well, I may not be a [insert team here] fan, but c'mon, the guy's good.Anyway, i certainly wasn't referring to you or the other knowledgeable posters on this board who just like to "take the pi$$" with other teams' star players. It's people like this moron at my local liquor store that make me shake my head. In short (well, in *long* now), I agree with you. * I know several Sabres fans who are very knowledgeable and passionate about the game. This statement in no way implies that all Sabres fans are morons. It's *this* particular guy who is the moron, and doesn't even know his team's starting roster from top to bottom. :-\Well, thanks for being a good sport. Crosby's talent is not in question in anyway. Anyone who would doubt that (or Datsyuk) is a idiot. But, the world is well stocked with idiots so we must wade through their 'inciteful' observations!On another note, do you think you might be interested in our historic/retired players project? Check out the forum for supporting members near the bottom of all the available forum and give it a quick read... Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jammer2 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 @idahophilly I liked "try to stare at "it"." LMAO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DinahMoeHumm Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 the world is well stocked with idiotsLol. Yeah, I believe that more and more every day.do you think you might be interested in our historic/retired players project?Ya know, I started looking at that. I'll take a more thorough look today. Could be lots of fun provided I have the free time to get involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyercanuck Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Well, truth be told, you rarely pick on another teams marginal players! You pick on their stars. Crosby and Malkin get the most attention because they are just that excellent. It would be like you picking on Rinaldo of the Flyers. He not really worthy of the effort. Giroux, Bryz, Hartnell...Yes. So, it's actually a backwards compliment when a fan picks on your top players... Now wait just a minute.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idahophilly Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 Now wait just a minute....Easy big guy! That's why he is a big target! By acknowleging it it provides legitimacy to making fun of him... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyercanuck Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 @idahophilly Sorry, I just can't let "top Players" and "Bryz" go by in the same sentence without questioning someones sanity. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idahophilly Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 I new that would get you but think of it this way, he IS the #1 goalie for the Flyers hence, by own standards, open for being made fun of... Not that anyone isn't mind you. But some more so than others... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polaris922 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Did somebody call for an idiot? I'm here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idahophilly Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 We've been waiting for you Mr Polaris! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarsippius Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 @idahophilly: Eh, I can see how it'd be easy. It doesn't even bother me. The only time I get riled up is when people say "man, Crosby sucks"Hell, I was in the Spectrum many times when we chanted "Gretzky sucks".....not that anybody thought he sucked, just that in the heat of the moment when he was hiding behind Semenko, he....well, he sucked 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idahophilly Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 Darn it, it's a fans job to ridicule the other teams players! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyercanuck Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 I new that would get you but think of it this way, he IS the #1 goalie for the Flyers hence, by own standards, open for being made fun of... Not that anyone isn't mind you. But some more so than others... Every #1 goalie the Flyers have had for the past 25 years has been made fun of. Sadly, Bryz is being paid the same as ALL of them put together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyercanuck Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Did somebody call for an idiot? I'm here. Tell us some more about Girouxs stats. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idahophilly Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 Oooo! Tell us a story! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyercanuck Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Oooo! Tell us a story! Once upon a time the Flyers had a true, legitmate quality NHL goaltender. The End. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idahophilly Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 Short story eh?Oh well, we'll work on a plot outline... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polaris922 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Tell us some more about Girouxs stats. I just woke up. I slept a couple hours today(not consecutively) but due to rest I can't risk being correct. You'll have to wait till the conclusion of my next sleep deprivation moment. Only then do my true bits of wisdom shine through! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B21 Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Once upon a time the Flyers had a true, legitmate quality NHL goaltender. The End."Shortest Books Ever Written" thread is thatta way ----> 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mojo1917 Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 @idahophillyThat's some funny stuff right there I don't care who you are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.